"... And here comes the English Number One ... TIIIIIMMMMM HENNNMAAAANNN"

BBC Commentator Before The Men's Quarter Final.

" Get off, you bloody loser, that's my weekend spoilt."

Every honest person in the UK... Shortly after "Tiger Tim" bombed.

Let's get one thing straight. Tim Henman is a great bloke, he's found something he excels at and he's dedicating the rest of his life to it...

So maybe that'll keep him away from the Tennis... Boom Boom.

I don't mean to be deliberately negative but just listen to yourselves...
"COME ON TIM!!!!" ... If I hear that cry once more, I'll scream. Someone even shouted it as he left the court after the match, ... what was that encouragement for....? the shower...? one for the road...?

How can we get so worked up over our most famous loser? It says something about the Brits that we'll name a hill after a bloke who's never passed the Semi Finals in the related tournament. It's like Switzerland taking Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards as their national emblem.. and yet we idolize this man.

Children stand in the street swinging bin lids at the air where a tennis ball was 15 seconds earlier... pretty much emulating Mr Henman's technique....Women scream his name as if he's Bono. Blokes just want the posh little toff off the TV and some further coverage of stuff blowing up in Iraq.... Yep, the war's still on folks, don't let the media tell you otherwise.

Me? I just want us to stop building him up. We lost 3 hours of scheduled BBC1 television the other night, so that we could watch 2 blokes grunting across a net at each other... surely that belongs on BBC2... That's where they put the snooker, what's the difference with Tennis...? Well I'll tell you.

Tennis is posh. Isn't it.
Wimbledon Common... not bloody likely... Wimbledon Rather-Up-Market-If-You-Please.

BBC bosses love the image of an All English club with strawberries and champagne on ice... and we all love watching it... Never mind that if we wanted to be on centre court we'd have to sleep with Sue Barker... or potentially more preferably... John McEnroe.... no, we slot ourselves in with the toffs for a couple of hours a night and pretend that we're tennis fans...

Well, name the World Number 3 male tennis player.... go on.. I DOUBLE Dare you.... You at the back, I can see you reaching for Google.

You don't know do you...?

We haven't the slightest interest in tennis until Wimbledon comes 'round...

We don't follow Henman when it requires a bit of work on our part...only when Ms Barker is shouting out scores whilst Eastenders should be on. If that bird with the big lips and the bad hair read the French Open scores to Shane Richie we'd all be hooked... but instead we'll forget that Tim Henman exists until he returns to the home of the wombles next year to humiliate us all.... Again.

Advantage Keenan, Get the tea on Love.... New balls please.

Mike